did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
