i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
