I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize