just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
