Christians are straight up FREAKS
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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