it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
