i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
