They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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