the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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