Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
