Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize