I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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