This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
