I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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