i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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