We named our party play list daddy issues
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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