Ketchup is God's man juice
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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