No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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