she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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