my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
