I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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