i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
