can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
