the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
