There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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