guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This toilet bowl is my home.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
