Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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