Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
