I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
