They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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