no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
