So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
