At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
