My underwear smells like fireworks.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
