the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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