You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
