I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
