I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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