Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
