he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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