I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
as a side note pls kill me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
