What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
