You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
