1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
