after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
