very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
