Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
