I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
