the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
