i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
