We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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