I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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