Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
