I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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