she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
