I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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