i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.