because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
