I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
