Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
