Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
