I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
