I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
