Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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