Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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