Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
