I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
