I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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