Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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