Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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