I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
