So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
