I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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