No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
