No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
