hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Congratulations! We have a period
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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