Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
