I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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