That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
